I love a good mall pretzel. Soft, slightly chewy, with a bunch of salt and that trademark hint of bitterness—few snacks are as comforting and nostalgic. I also love a good pretzel dog, pretzel bite, or cheese-stuffed pretzel situation. I do not, however, love making dough.
It’s not a particularly tricky dough to make, but it’s a bit time consuming, and sometimes I just don’t want to work for joy. Mixing and kneading isn’t hard work, but it is work, and picking up a bag of pre-made pizza dough is no work at all.
Is this cheating? Yes, but it’s the kind of cheating I’m comfortable with. Though pizza dough and pretzel dough aren’t identical—the former is a bit wetter—they are made from the same basic ingredients and, when boiled in an alkaline solution before baking, pizza dough will get you very close. Pretzels get their dark crust and bitter flavor from taking a dip in lye, but you can use baking soda to get very similar results. (If you want to supercharge your baking soda, bake it first.) To make your imposter pretzel bites, you will need:
1 bag of fresh, pre-made pizza dough
8 cups of water
1/2 cup baking soda
An egg
Coarse salt
Anything you’d like to stuff inside your bites
Turn your dough out onto a lightly oiled surface and knead it a bit. Using a dough cutter, chop the dough into slightly larger than bite-size pieces. If you want a plain bite, leave the lumps as is, but if you want a stuffed bite, stretch it out with your (lightly oiled) fingers. Next, take your stretched piece of dough and wrap it around whatever food stuff you desire, pinching the edges very firmly to seal. Little hot dogs need not be completely encased, but cheese should be fully sealed inside a prison of bread. (The boiling and baking is enough cooking for something like hot dog, but cook other raw meats thoroughly before wrapping them in dough.)
Add your baking soda to your water, and bring it to a boil. Drop each pretzel in, one at a time, for 30 seconds, then place them on a baking pan lined with lightly greased sheet of parchment paper. Beat your egg, and brush each bite with a bit of the wash. Top with coarse salt and bake in a 450-degree oven for 15 minutes or so, until the bites are a deep golden brown.
Of course, you don’t have to make them savory. A cinnamon and sugar pretzel is also quite glorious. To replicate the full mall teen experience, serve your pretzels with an Orange Julius, and toast to the death of Claire’s boutique.